Saturday 19th April

It had all been going so well.  There had been miracles, there had been healing there had been provision.  Excitement and challenges by the bucketload and lifechanging teaching which had turned them upside down.  There had been travel, weddings, parties, and intimate times of close friendship.  There had been tears, but much more laughter - it had all been fantastic.

And now it was all gone.  In the blink of an eye. And it had gone disastrously horribly wrong.  All the promises now sounded hollow.  All the hope for a better brighter future had vanished.  Everything on which
they had invested their lives had come to nothing - or worse - had put them in immense danger.  They couldnt go back to their previous lives and there was nowhere to run.  It was a disaster.

And the strange thing is that from that day forth it didnt get any better.   From that day on they were hunted down and killed.  Scattered to the four corners of the globe.  Perseucted and misunderstood - there really was no happily ever after for any of them.

I have several friends who have had a horrible time this past year or so.  They have gone from having happy together lives,  good jobs, solid marriages, nice homes to losing it all in the blink of an eye.   It can happen to any of us at any time - through accident or illness, through death or an affair or redundancy.  And if it happens to you after years or decades of everything being safe and sunny then the shock can be almost as bad as the catastrophe.    The disciples didnt know what was going to happen next.  All they knew was Jesus had died and everything He had promised had apparently come to nothing.   They had not just lost an amazing friend they had lost hope.  Losing hope is a terrible thing.   On that Saturday in the upper room there was no point in saying ' Listen guys Im sure this will all work out for the best' - they had believed the evidence of their eyes and that evidence was overwhelming.   Sometimes the evidence before our own eyes is overwhelming too.  We lost our job, we got cancer, our spouse had an affair, we lost our house, our child got sick.......  there is no arguing with the facts.  Sometimes life is very hard and none of it seems to make any sense.

But what the disciples didnt know and couldnt see is that God was not dead.  He was busy.  Active.  Not just on behalf of His friends the disciples but on behalf of us all.   He was defeating Satan ( and who knows what that might have looked like)  and visiting spirits imprisoned in Noahs generation
1 Peter 3
18 For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit. 19 After being made alive he went and made proclamation to the imprisoned spirits— 20 to those who were disobedient long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built. In it only a few people, eight in all,were saved through water,

Im not sure what that means - does it mean that all the people who were drowned in the flood without chance to repent were given that chance by Jesus?  Does it mean that He walked through Hell declaring His victory to all those evil spirits which had rejoiced at the near annihilation of the human race in the generation of Noah??  I dont know.  And it doesnt really matter because what I do know is that on that Saturday after the crucifixion the most awesome process was underway - unbeknowns to the disciples.

My friends who are suffering hard times at the moment cant see what God is up to behind the scenes.  Some of them cant even trust that He is doing anything at all.  They have been so disappointed and hurt and feel He has let them down so utterly.  I guess the disciples could identify with that.   And the irony is that despite what Jesus did next, life for the disciples wasnt about to get any easier.  The resurrection brought power to stand through the trials, bear the persecutions, survive the shipwrecks and testify right up to the brutal deaths. But it changed everything forever.   They could not go back to life as it was.   Life just got a whole heap tougher.  But a whole heap more exciting and powerful.

So if it all looks bleak and hopeless and depressing - if God seems to have abandoned you and everything on which you built your life has crumbled........ remember the disciples in that room that weekend and trust that any minute now there is going to be a knock on your door to tell you that there is hope.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YByT6wfdhJs

Good Friday 18th April

Barabbas.

Bar  - Son of

Abba - Daddy

Barabbas - the son of the father.

Jesus stands beside Pilate.  Pilate can find no wrong in him and does not want to sentence him to death.  He thinks of a legitimate and legal way of getting Jesus off the hook when he remembers that on high days and holidays he is allowed to release a prisoner.  He is sure the crowd, who only days ago were laying down palm branches and shouting Hosanna, will choose Jesus over a murdering insurrectionist.   But he hasnt counted on the Pharisees spreading their venom.   So when he asks the crowd who to release they shout  BARABBAS!    Give us the son of the father.   Release the son of the father.

Jesus stands there listening to them shout it.   We want the son of the father!   Knowing that He, the Son of the Father,  has been utterly rejected and that He will take the punishment Barabbas was due.  Barabbas goes free - presumably to return to his life of rebellion and violence.  He is never mentioned again and we have no idea whether he paid the slightest bit of attention to Jesus from the second he was released from prison.  So why is he there?  Is he really necessary to the timeline of what happens to Jesus on that Friday?

No.  Not really.  Except that Barabbas represents the epitome of what Jesus was doing as he stood there before Pilate.   He was an innocent man and the true Son of the Father prepared to willingly die a horrible death so that a guilty murdering son of the Father could go free.   With no suggestion that anything was owed.   With no expectation of thanks or gratitude or devotion.  Merely motivated by an overwhelming love and sense of justice.  Barabbas is mankind - all of us - you and me.  And whether or not we believe it or accept it, the fact is that on Good Friday Jesus stepped up to take the place of every guilty one and set us free.

I wonder what happened to Barabbas.   I wonder if he realised that he had been given a miraculous second chance - a second life - and if he decided to make the most of it.  Or if he just went straight back to the life he had before ; (Matthew refers to Barabbas only as a "notorious prisoner". Mark and Luke further refer to Barabbas as one involved in a stasis, a riot. John 18:40 refers to Barabbas as alēstēs ("bandit"))  Was he even aware of who Jesus was?  Was he in the crowds who watched him carrying the cross to Golgotha later that day or did he go home to his family and friends without giving Jesus a second thought?

It is interesting that the first two people Jesus releases from a death sentence are both criminals.  One gets physically released but probably never attains spiritual freedom.  The other - the thief on the cross - is forgiven his sins and promised paradise with Jesus, but still has to die a gruesome death.  Who benefited more?  We are all going to have to die.  We might be aged twelve and die in a ferry accident or be aged ninety three and die peacefully in bed.  We might have to suffer pain or lose our faculties.  But what really matters?  Surely it is knowing that we are forgiven and that we are promised paradise with Jesus.

Thursday 17th April

Two things stand out about the Thursday of Holy week.   Foot washing.  And a new commandment.

Foot washing was something practical and necessary I suppose in a country where everyone wore sandals or similar and there was no tarmac on the roads :-)  Jesus makes a point of taking a towel and adopting the stance of a servant in order to emphasise the point that in the Kingdom of God there is no such thing as master and slave.   We see the reaction of the disciples - most notably Peter - to this outrageous breaking of the cultural rules but Im left wondering about the reaction of the servant whos job it was to do the foot washing.  I wonder how he/she felt watching Jesus , the Master, doing the very job he/she was supposed to be doing.   I bet they never washed another foot again after that without thinking about Jesus.   He had somehow given great worth and value to a job which had previously been considered so menial as to be not worth noticing.

Thats one of the many brilliant things about Jesus.  The more you look at Him the more you see His love.  When I am doing the menial thankless tasks of life - washing the bathroom floor, changing the beds, dusting - the jobs which no-one ever notices until they havent been done and for which no-one ever thanks you - I can picture Jesus taking up the mop and joining me.  Nothing is beneath Him and everything has value.

Then there is the other outrageous thing He does at the Passover meal.  He gives a new commandment.

If we stop to think about that for a moment - for the Jews the commandments given to Moses are the basis of everything on which their relationship with God is built.  Moses is the great prophet, the saviour and

deliverer and God has spoken to him face to face and given him the rules by which His people are to live.   The thought that anything could be added to the ten commandments and the laws must have been utterly shocking.  What was Jesus saying??   A new commandment?   ( John 13: 34)

The new commandment takes the 'old commandments' and catapults them into a new league.   The commandments of Moses were about minimum standards of behaviour I suppose.  Dont steal, dont murder, dont lie ...  keep these rules and you will be able to live together as a society under God.   But Jesus sets a new standard - that of love;  serving, giving, humble, kind love.   As He has loved us.   Impossible of course.  Unless He is living in us.

Wednesday 16th April

Judas betrays Jesus

Now the Feast of Unleavened Bread drew near, which is called Passover. 2 And the chief priests and the scribes sought how they might kill Him, for they feared the people.

3 Then Satan entered Judas, surnamed Iscariot, who was numbered among the twelve. 4 So he went his way and conferred with the chief priests and captains, how he might betray Him to them. 5 And they were glad, and agreed to give him money. 6 So he promised and sought opportunity to betray Him to them in the absence of the multitude.  Luke 22

This is the day in the Christian calender when we remember Judas approaching the priests and promising to betray Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.  I have mixed feelings about Judas..... I suppose that's what he is there for in the story.  To provoke deep and searching questions.

The passage above says that Satan entered Judas........  Im supposing that Judas had a choice in that matter. Satan doesnt get in unless we let him in - Judas made a conscious decision to go with the voice which was telling him to sell out, just as Eve did right back at the start.   Satan always hones in on our weak points in order to gain a foothoold.  With Eve it was the doubt she already had in her mind about what God had really said.   With Judas it was politics and economics - he was always really more interested in money than in godliness, and power rather than peace.

Im sure that Judas managed to convince himself that he was doing the right thing.  Im sure he believed that if Jesus's hand was forced He would declare His kingdom and get on with ousting the Romans.  He had seen enough miracles to know that Jesus could get Himself out of any trouble.  He had already walked away from a crowd wanting to throw Him over a cliff.  He had faced down the Pharisees with clever arguments so many times.  There was no way Jesus wasnt going to come out on top this time.

On the other hand Judas was always the odd one out in the group of the disciples.  He wasnt called by Jesus like the others had been, he just sort of turns up.   He doesnt understand the heart of Jesus - as the treasurer he is always more concerned with the finances than the bigger picture.  He scorns Mary for pouring out her expensive ointment on Jesus's feet because he can see how the money would have been better spent.   he is a social activist not a worshipper.   He doesnt recognise that Jesus is worthy of lavish praise above all else.

Am I guilty of this too?  Is the church more concerned with operating foodbanks than worshipping Jesus?  

Controversial?  Yes of course.   Im sure we can do both.  But if it comes down to a choice between the two the worship of Jesus is always going to be the more valuable thing to do.  Because, as Jesus says, the poor we shall have with us always and God is always concerned to look after them.  He has the hairs on their head numbered and has promised to meet all their needs.  Our job is first and foremost to worship Jesus.  To pour out our lavish, extravagant, wasteful worship over His feet.   Judas didn't get it.

Not only was he not a worshipper but he didnt trust the plan.  He thought he could manipulate Jesus, speed up the process, give God a helping hand .   Been there, done that, got the t shirt. :-)  Of course God knew and had it all worked into the plan - as He always does.  He doesnt need our help and He often isnt doing things the way we think He should.  But if we can learn anything from Judas it's that plotting to get our own way doesnt end well. 

Tuesday 15th April

A non christian friend of mine went to watch the Noah film this week.   I have to confess to having been put off from going to see it by the various reviews etc slating it as an unbiblical piece of fantastical nonsense.  And somewhat violent and gory.

But my friend - who is rather anti Christianity and with whom I have had a few heated discussions over the years - came straight home from the film and got out a bible to read the Genesis story for himself!  And he was enchanted by the whole thing.  He came online to talk to me about it and tell me how appealing he found the idea of a creator.  He was very impressed by all the animals in the film and for the first time it dawned on him that Adam and Eve were vegetarians  :-)   We had a really good discussion about the serpent - is he really Satan and if so what does this mean? - and the fact that because of Adam and Eve's decisions God had to kill an animal to cover their nakedness.  Thus starting a whole story of sacrifice which was only to be brought to a conclusion in Jesus on Good Friday.

I wonder how many other people who have gone to see Russel Crowe doing his thing on the big screen will be prompted to think more deeply about God things.   Probably thousands.  Hundreds of thousands.  Because God never misses a chance to speak to people.

Ive changed my mind about going to see the film now.  I shall go, because I wont be able to answer the
questions if I dont know what its about.   I wont be able to correct the errors in conversation with friends if I havent actually seen it.  It surely has to be a good conversation starter and if it gives God a toe in the door to people who otherwise would slam it in His face then its got to be worth following up.   So when I go I shall not watch it with a teacher's red pen in my hand scoring through all the theological and biblical errors.  I shall go with a prayer in my heart that whatever its weaknesses and inaccuracies God will use it for His glory.  If my atheist friend can be enchanted and wooed by God through the story of the flood then anything is possible  :-)

Monday 14th April

In church yesterday we were reminded that during Jesus's final week in Jerusalem he stayed with Mary Martha and Lazarus at Bethany.  (Matthew 21:17 and Mark 11:11-12) It was a couple of miles outside the city and a place with which Jesus was familiar and felt comfortable.  Im glad he spent those last few days with His friends.  The disciples were His friends and we know that He loved them and had a special group of three out of the twelve with whom He seems to have been particularly close.   But He had something different with Mary, Martha and Lazarus.  I think He had family.

I like to think of Jesus being able to retreat to the comfort and familiarity of a cosy home during what He knew was to be His last week on earth.  I can envisage Martha cooking and fussing about making Him meals and attending to His every need.  I like to think of Mary asking Him questions and learning as much as she can - listening to Him telling about His day - the people shouting Hosannas, the moneylenders in the temple, the attitudes of the Pharisees and His ongoing conversation with His Father.   I like to think of Him sitting outside in the evening with Lazarus with whom he shared that special bond.  I hope they were able to joke and have a laugh and relax at the end of the day.  Because Jesus was not only the Son of God.  He was also a man.  An ordinary bloke.  Who got tired and lonely and hungry and sad.   He needed His friends that last week and Im glad they were there for Him.

We all need our friends when we hit tough times.  And tough times sometimes tell us who our friends really are.   Many of us will have a lot of aquaintances , work colleagues, school gate Mums, pub or cafe going chums.  Then there are the Facebook friends, the people on our Christmas card list.  The ones we are really genuinely happy to hear from now and again but dont think about that often in between times.
And then there are the soul mates.  The do or die friends.  The handful ( if you are lucky or have lived long enough) who would give you their kidney if you needed it.  The ones who will tell you honestly if they think you are marrying  the wrong person.  The ones who you know without a shadow of a doubt love you every bit as much as you love them.   I do hope you have those sort of people in your life.  I have a few in mine. My life would genuinely be very much the poorer without them.  They are a blessing.  I need them and they need me too.

Friendship is often forged in times of adversity. People show their commitment and love and true character when the chips are down - difficult times either bring out the best or the worse in us I suppose.  Friends are the people you can tell when things are really bad - when you have messed up - when you cant cope - when you just dont have the answers.  They are the ones who will cry with you and know how to make you laugh with a look or a word or an obscure reference to some shared experience from years back.

Jesus's friends weren't perfect.  They didnt understand Him, they let Him down and denied Him and were generally a bit hopeless during that last week.  But He didnt give up on them.  He forgave them graciously and they were the first ones to whom he appeared after His resurrection.  Our friends arent perfect either.  They will let us down sometimes and not be there for us on occasions when we need them to be.  But then we are not the perfect friends either. :-)  What matters is that love covers a multitude of sins and our shared life stories bring us back to a place of deep friendship even when there has been a bump in the road.

Lord, today I am so thankful for my friends.  Thank you for bringing them into my life at the right time and for all the experiences we have shared together.  Keep them safe and bless them.  May they always have a friend at hand when they need one and let me always be happy to share them with others.  Thank you that You know what it is to have friends, to need friends and to be a friend.  Amen

Sunday 13th April

Palm Sunday

Ive just been reading some things others have written about Palm Sunday in order to try to marshall my thoughts - because there is so much to say its hard to know where to begin.

Something I have not really considered before is the attitude of the crowds of people who were welcoming Jesus into Jerusalem with palm branches and Hosannas.  These were people who had heard the stories of the raising of Lazarus, and many of them will have seen Jesus at work, perhaps they will have been fed on a hillside with bread and fish.  Maybe they are the friends and family of some of the disciples.  The relatives of the many hundreds of cripples and sick people and demonised who Jesus had touched and healed and set free.   This was a crowd who believed in Jesus and who were hailing him as a King.  They probably believed that He was going to overthrow the Roman rule as the Messiah and put an end to the punitive regime of taxes and tributes and crucifixions along the roadsides.   They were a crowd full of hope and excitement and anticipation

Yet a few days later the people were baying for His blood.  Perhaps not these very same individuals, but nevertheless the atmosphere had completely changed and those who had only a few days previously been acclaiming Jesus as King were now nowhere to be seen.  And of course even His own disciples were betraying and denying Him.  What had happened?  How can people change their opinions so quickly?  How can all the testimony and healing and teaching and forgiveness be so easily drowned out by the whispers of the Pharisees?

And would we be any different?

If I had been in Jerusalem that week would I have behaved any differently?  Im not sure.  We all like to think that we are better than your average bod on the street.  But in actual fact we are all made of the same stuff. We all find it easy to get caught up with the crowd - for good and bad.   We can all so easily forget all the blessings and answered prayers and healings and miracles we have witnessed and turn our ears to the whisperings of doubt and the lies of the enemy.   And when others are shouting ' Crucify'  we can sometimes find it hard to raise a dissenting voice and continue to shout Hosanna.

So the challenge for us is to keep our eyes on the King.  To keep singing our endless hallelujahs and not to falter when things suddenly turn from glorious victory to apparent crushing defeat.  To not be deterred when everything on which we have pinned our hopes appears to come crashing to naught.  And to not be persuaded by the whispers of our enemy who wants to turn us from worshippers to disparagers . Because unlike the inhabitants of Jerusalem 2000 years ago, we know the end of the story.  :-)

Saturday 12th April

I was out walking the dog the other day down beside the river not far from where I live.   Its a very quiet spot despite being not far from the road and the shops.  Set down in a bit of a dip and lined by trees on either side its a little path of tranquility only frequented by the occasional dog walker.  Most of the time I dont see another soul there.   On the day in question Josh was with me and we were going slowly because he is not well and doesnt have any energy.  But I thought it would be good to get him out in some fresh air

Spring is springing with a vengeance.  The trees had almost overnight suddenly burst forth into green.  Catkins and pussy willow and celandines all coming into flower but the thing which I noticed most was the birdsong.  It was so loud and such variety.  It sounded as though the birds were having a singing competition !  The river was gurgling along in full flow - nature in all its glory.

This weekend is Palm Sunday when we think about Jesus facing His last week on earth and entering Jerusalem for the very last time.  The phrase that has been going round my mind the past few days is this one

from Luke 19

37 Then, as He was now drawing near the descent of the Mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works they had seen,38 saying:

“ ‘Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord!’[d]
Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!”

39 And some of the Pharisees called to Him from the crowd, “Teacher, rebuke Your disciples.”

40 But He answered and said to them, “I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out.”

The whole earth is full of His glory and everything on the planet is groaning and waiting for the sons of God to be revealed.  The birds sing His glory, the river gurgles His praise and the wind rustles the leaves of the trees so that they clap their hands in praise.

But I also wonder if the stones might not also tell God's praise in other ways too.  Twice in the past couple of years I have come across stones which have definitely been Gods message to me.  Im not sure if you can se the one on the left very well but there are three distinct crosses somehow apparent in the stone.  If you Google 'heart stones' you will see thousands of pictures of heart shaped stones people have found and photographed.  :-)  The very stones are telling us that God loves us.  How cool is that ?

So this week as we think about the lead up to Easter and focus on the journey Jesus made to the cross lets not forget to look out for the signs that He is giving us in nature.  Lets listen to the birdsong and marvel at the wonderful detail in each opening leaf and flower petal.  Let's expect to hear His voice in the roaring waterfalls and look out for the hidden messages of love written in the stones.

Friday 11th April

Because I'm happy......

Have you got the tune in your head already??  Catchy little blighter isnt it?  On adverts and in shops and on the radio just about everywhere all the time.   Im sure part of the reason it has taken off is because its a catchy happy tune and people like singing about being happy.  Its infectious.  And then of course it is associated with a feel-good movie too.   So for Pharrell Williams a winning formula methinks.  The cheque is in the post!!

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth........  Hmmmmmm not sure about that.  Is happiness the truth?  Is it the be all and end all and the ultimate goal?   Im undecided.  I dont think God ever promised us that we would be happy. Not in this life anyway.  Just the opposite in fact.  He promises us trouble and persecution and a life of taking up our cross daily.  Its the world which tries to sell us happiness.  Buy this or that and you will be happy.  Wear this or that, eat this or that, have the perfect relationship... it will make you happy and happiness is the ultimate goal.

On the other hand of course Jesus came to give us life in all its fullness.  Which must include being happy. And God has a fantastic sense of humour and loves to have a laugh.  Surely if you are made of love then you have to be happy in your nature dont you?  So perhaps our lives are supposed to be happy after all.  Or perhaps it's that Gods definition of happiness and the world's definition are not the same thing at all.... yes, that must be it!  :-)

God tells us how to be happy in Matthew 5   ( Bee - attitudes, get it?  LOL)

and yes, I know we have heard it all before but I, for one, need to be reminded of this on a regular basis.  Its not in having enough money in the bank that I shall be happy - its by knowing that I dont have enough in my spiritual bank account.   It's not by being a success and trampling on everyone as I climb the greasy pole, its through humility and service  and showing mercy.  Its not through partying and spending and looking for excitement, but through grieving with those who grieve, working to make peace and living well before God.  These things bring us SHALOM.  That all encompassing sense of peace and wellbeing and contentment under God.  Its so much more than happiness

Thursday 10th April

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

This has been on my mind an awful lot recently.  Mostly in the context of the whole gay marriage debate.  And the other verse which is equally resounding in my head is this one

If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. ( Matthew 18 :6)

I dont want to get into the whole gay marriage thing here - its not really about that.  What is worrying me is the level of judgementalism we all find it so easy to adopt all the time about everyone.  What is it about human beings that always wants to compare and be ' better', that always insists on being ' right' and which wants to come down like a tonne of bricks on anyone who is not on the same page?  It mystifies and upsets me.

Decades ago I hears a sermon by one of my heroes - Australian Hells Angels pastor John Smith.  And one phrase stood out and changed me forever.  In the context of a sermon about the sufferings of Christ he said

It is more important to love, than to be right.

and then he yelled it

IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO LOVE THAN TO BE RIGHT.

So much church division and conflict has been caused by people being unwilling to adopt a position of love over a position of ' being right'.  It is so sad.  But what is worse is that I really do believe it makes God not just sad but very angry.   We will have to answer for the way we have behaved.  If anything we have done has caused one of God's loved and lovely children to stumble and fall He will hold us accountable in no small measure.

Which is where I worry about the gay issue.   I know three gay people who all started their lives in the church.  They all loved God and desperately wanted to know Him more, love Him and serve Him.  They all struggled for years with their sexuality - in secret and in fear of how they would be judged.  And then when they came out in three different churches in different denominations, they were roundly rejected and so severely judged by ' church' that they left.   Two of the three are now far from the Lord and THATs the thing I worry about.    Surely it is God's job to convict of sin, not ours.  Yes, we can teach truth and that might make people very uncomfortable.  They might not be willing to listen or accept the challenges God lays down.  Thats one thing.   But being rounded upon and hounded out ( one pastor told my friend her behaviour was despicable) - is that how Jesus treated people?  Even Jesus didnt condemn people. He forgave them and accepted them and loved them and showed them great and wonderful mercy whilst at the same time telling them to sin no more.  And thats what He is still doing today.   And its what we should be doing too.

But its not just sexuality, its so many things.  Do people worship in the right way,  attend prayer meetings, wear the right gear, follow the church rules?  Do people bring up their kids as we would want them to - conduct their finances in a ' Godly manner'  ( heaven forfend that people should be in debt but we shall conveniently ignore the church overdraft or mortgage)   We can never know the full story about what is going on in someone elses life or what has brought them to the point they are at.  We can not hope to ' sort people out' or  correct their faults.  All we can do is love people, walk with them on their road, help them when they ask for help, encourage and exhort them to get closer to Jesus and rejoice with them when He does His thing ( which let's face it is sometimes tough love)  Jesus is the judge.  Jesus is the one who has paid the price for ALL our sins.  All my sins.  How can I possibly judge other people when I am SO in need of grace and mercy myself.   I do not dare.  Because as I judge so shall I be judge.    Scary thought. 

Wednesday 9th April

Sorry I didnt get to post yesterday.  Life has got a bit mad here the past few days.  And Im not overflowing with profound words of wisdom at the moment.  So I thought I'd give you a day off from my inane ramblings  :-)

I've had my portable piano for quite a few years now and last week the foot pedal finally gave up the ghost. You wouldnt think that would make much difference - the piano itself still works perfectly.  But I find it almost impossible to play without a working pedal.  Because, as there is no wooden box to provide any sound reverberation like on a standard upright piano, the pedal is what provides the sustain on an electric piano.  Without the pedal each note is as dead as a doornail and it sounds horrible.  The notes need to be sustained to sound right.

What sustains you?  We all need things to sustain us, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Physically we need food.  As my son Josh has discovered this past few weeks when we cant eat we don't function properly.  And as many people are increasingly discovering if we don't eat the right things we function less than optimally. Emotionally we need people.  There have been several studies published recently which link loneliness to an increase in mental health problems and poor health outcomes.  Sadly loneliness is endemic and no longer restricted to elderly people sitting alone in pensioner flats ( although they still do make up a large proportion of the lonely). Single people, divorced people, unhappily married people.  Those who are shy, introverted, disabled, super privileged, socially inept or working in isolating jobs.  Mothers of very young children, carers, prisoners, the bereaved - many people can find themselves deeply lonely.  We all need to be loved and to be able to express love. Love sustains us.  Without it we dont sound right

Mentally we need stimulation, challenge, knowledge.  As young children if we are not spoken to and read to and filled up with information we dont develop to our full potential.  As we get older and the grey matter begins to decay we need to keep mentally alert and active - if we dont use it we lose it!

Spiritually what sustains us is God.   Its not praying,  its not reading the Bible, its not going to church and meeting with likeminded believers - although all of those things are necessary and good.  But none of those things in and of themselves are our lifeblood.  Our lifeblood is Jesus and He is our sustenance.  True, He uses His word and His promises to breathe life into us, He communicates with us through prayer and through fellow believers, but it is His Spirit living in us which gives us life and keeps us going.  And so its not up to us

So that's good isn't it ?  :-)  Because God has already decided He is not going to let you go.

I've ordered a new sustain pedal from ebay.  Hopefully it will arrive before I next need my keyboard.   As for the rest - well, I have food in the fridge ( though it could be healthier) , I have some fantastic friends ( although I dont keep in touch with them as much as I should) and I play Scrabble every night with some cutthroat opponents who keep me on my toes.  God has got hold of me and as long as I tune in and allow Him access He will spiritually sustain me.  And hopefully my notes will resonate and I will make a pleasing sound.

If not, earplugs are available from all good retailers  :-)

Monday 7th April

Had an unexpected lunch with a friend yesterday.  Not many people pop over to Northern Ireland from the mainland but she was visiting with a choir who were singing in a competition in Bangor and when I heard she would be in Belfast we arranged to get together for a couple of hours.

Im not very good at keeping in touch with people.  If it wasnt for facebook I dont think anyone would ever hear from me again. Even my own Mother complains that she has to do all the phoning ( sorry Mum)  Its not that I dont like people - I really do! Its just...... oh, you know...all the usual excuses.  But it is always lovely to reconnect with people when they pop up here and there and opportunities present themselves to bump into old friends again.

I was thinking about heaven yesterday.  About how I hope it will be an opportunity to do a whole lot of eternal catching up with people :-)   Not just those we have known and loved but those we have always had a secret yearning to know from history.  A friend of mine lost her 20 year old daughter very suddenly a couple of years ago.  Something which is helping her through the grieving is the thought that she will see her again one day in the not too distant future.   Im not entirely sure how the heaven thing works.  Enough people have been and come back to lead one to believe that there is indeed a chance to meet people again - and the bible does speak about the cloud of witnesses and those who have died in the faith etc.   I suspect that when we get there,however, the overwhelming presence of God, the worship of the angels and the streets of gold might be higher on my list of priorities than catching up with any mere mortals I have known or want to know !

We dont spend too much time thinking about heaven these days.  Compared with past eras when life was short and death was a constant possibility we live rather free from the possibility of eternity for huge chunks of our lives.   But heaven is, after all, what Jesus died to open up for us.  His death allows us access in to the presence of the Father now and eternally .  He was prepared to endure the cross not just to forgive us our sins but to buy us that golden ticket.   When life is hard and all a bit pointless - when God seems distant and everything is grey, we need to remember that this is not all there is.  There is the promise of more.  In fact this is just the birth pangs - the messy part, the difficult labour.  Death is a delivery from this life to the next.  And if we know who we believe then the next , whatever it looks like, is going to be fabulous.   Cant wait!

Sunday 6th April

' I don't want to control it. I want to get rid of it.'      Bruce Banner aka Incredible Hulk.

I was watching the film for the umpteenth time with the boys yesterday.  Well, I was in the room  :-)  Once you have seen one superhero movie you have seen them all.  Especially when you have seen them all before.

I quite often watch films with Jesus.  He always has interesting observations ( sometimes completely off plot!) about what is going on.  Sometimes the whole narrative is prophetic  - remember Braveheart?  (Well, you would if you were living in Scotland at the time - it sent the church there nuts!!!)  Sometimes its just a line or a character or a plot twist which He highlights.  And in the Hulk last night it was that line which caught my attention.   Bruce wasn't interested in anger management or a lifetime of hiding away - he wanted to be completely rid of his problem and was prepared to risk death by taking the untested antidote in order to be free.

It made me wonder how hungry and passionate we are to get rid of our problems and besetting sins.  Are we content to manage our difficulties ?  Our angry outbursts, our depression, our habits, our lyying/greedy/attention seeking/ manipulative/selfish/lazy behaviours?   Do we put on a respectable face and trot to church on a Sunday with no intention of ever raising our hand for prayer or responding to a challenging sermon about any of our issues?   Do we ask God to help us manage our problems rather than asking Him to deliver us from all evil.?  And if we ask Him to deliver us are we really prepared to go the whole nine yards to get rid of the junk?

A few years ago a married friend of mine was hotly pursued by a married man who made it quite clear that he wanted to embark on affair with her.  He complimented her and bought her presents.  He was kind and understanding and lovely.  He made her feel great.  And he was always there because they worked in the same place.   My friend was in torment. She was very very tempted - but she really didn't want to succumb.

 She couldn't escape - she had to go to work every day, and his tactics were sneaky and underhand - he knew exactly which buttons to press.  Meanwhile of course friends husband was busy at work, not paying attention etc etc.   She knew she was about to do something she would eternally regret.
So - sensibly, and with a great deal of courage, she told a few christian friends what was going on.   She confessed how tempted she was.  How much she enjoyed the attention.  Confession is VERY good for the soul.  Because it immediately makes you accountable.  And it surrounds you with support.
Over months and months and months she battled with her feelings.  And she tried hard to resist his advances. There were times when she made great strides forward and then times when she lapsed in her thinking and actions.  But with the help of praying friends she became ever more determined to do the right thing.  After several months - maybe even a year - she suddenly arrived at the place where she knew she really did not want this man in her life any more.  She began to despise him.  She was ready for soul ties to be cut and for God to up the ante.  She started to actively resist and mentally she toughened up amazingly.  She also began to really put some huge efforts into her own marriage.   I was super impressed by her commitment.   She didn't want to control it - she wanted to be rid of it.

A year or so down the line and she is free.  The man is still working alongside her and still active in his pursuit of her - although he doesn't get much chance these days as she is hyper vigilant to avoid him at all costs.  She has resisted temptation and resisted the devil and both have flown far from her.  My goodness what a battle it has been.  I have been super privileged to share some of it with her.  It took determination and vulnerabililty and courage.  But she won through.  I'm proud of her. So is God.

The devil fights mean and hard.  He doesn't give up easily - and knowing this I think that sometimes we are scared to even go there.  We opt for controlling and covering over our character flaws and sins rather than letting God root them out of us.  I'm as guilty as anyone of this.  More than most perhaps.
I think there are a few keys to help us along the way.

1) be accountable.  Tell someone.  Trust me, we are all made of the same stuff and have the same temptations and failings.  Nothing you have done or thought is any worse than what the rest of us have done or thought.  Honestly - it isn't.  Find the right person or people to tell and get some help.  You will need it
2) prepare for the long haul.  Bad habits take years to form. Character weaknesses are part of who we are.  It is possible but unlikely that God is going to deliver us in one go. Someone once said to me that being a Christian is like coming to God as a piece of string full of knots.  The Christian life is about letting God unpick the knots.  Some are big and tightly tied and will take some time to undo.
3) When you fall and fail get up and go again.
4) Stay determined to be free.  Pursue truth because it is truth that will set you free. Pretty much everything which ensnares and entangles us is based on lies.
5) rejoice in every victory and keep your eyes fixed on the end goal. Surround yourself with people who really believe you will get there and who are cheering for you.

Lord, help us not to accommodate things in our lives which make You unhappy.  Give us the strength and courage to resist temptation and to root out the junk which the enemy has sown and we have allowed to grow.  Fill us with the Truth of Your word and surround us with the Godly counsel of people who love us. Pick us up when we fall and lead us through to a plce of victory so that our testimony can be one of freedom in Christ.   Amen

Saturday 5th April

Creature and Creator

God?
Yes Adam
You know Eve?
Yes Adam
You know you gave her to me to be bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh?
Yes Adam
Well, ummm, there’s something Id like to ask you
Yes?
You wont be cross?
No Adam, I wont be cross
Well, you see, it’s just that You never warned me
Warned you?
About Eve. About the apple and the snake and all of that.

Oh yes, all of that.
You could have warned me. I thought You loved me
I do love you Adam. Very much
So why didn’t You warn me? You must have known about that serpent. What he was like.
Oh yes, I knew.
You must have known that Eve would fancy a bite of that apple
Yes Adam, I knew that
So why didn’t you stop her. Or warn me. Or something? A lot depended on it you know
Yes. A lot. Everything in fact. I do know that Adam.
So……?
Adam, you didn’t trust me.
I didn’t?
No
Oh
If you had trusted me you would have believed that my plan was the best plan. You would have felt no need to taste the apple from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. But you weren’t sure that my plan was really the best plan. You listened to your wife, who listened to the serpent. Who fed the doubt that was already there. That my plan wasn’t quite the best. That you could possibly do better by going another way.
Yes Lord. You are right
I am always right Adam
But if you had warned me…..?
Would you have heard the warning when you were already doubting me?
Ummmm….Im not sure Lord. Maybe not
No. I told you not to eat the fruit, but you ate it anyway. Because you didn’t trust me.
Im sorry Lord
Im sorry too Adam
Hug?
Hug.
Lord?
Yes Adam
One more thing
Yes Adam?
Thank you for sorting it all out
That’s OK Adam
I know it cost you a lot……everything
Yes, everything.
I trust you now Lord
I know you do Adam.
Thanks for the chat
You’re welcome. Now, wasn’t it your move? Knight to bishop three eh? Nice.

( By Caz - and by the way I do know it wasnt an apple.  The apple is just there for ease of reference and artistic licence  :-) )

Friday 4th April

No, you didnt miss one yesterday - I didnt post one.

Today it strikes me that I dont know very much

When I was a young Christian I seemed very sure of everything.  I knew my Bible and I was well taught and had lots of experiences of God doing things both in my life and in the lives of others.   I had an answer for everything and everyone.

Now Im not so sure.

Its a funny thing, cos I know God so much better now.  Ive lived a lot more so I have seen the bigger picture on looking back.  I can see how He has used everything somehow.  Nothing has been wasted even the big mistakes. And yet I find I have fewer and fewer answers.  Or rather I have bigger and bigger answers.  I can no longer give people a one liner - a  one-size -fits all solution.   Nothing is simple any more.   I remember the days when it was all simple.   You got saved or you went to hell.  You had the faith or you didnt.  You were either praying in the right way for the right things or you werent.

As I have got older Ive become much less judgemental.  Thankfully. I have realised that God doesnt see people and situations the same way I do and that I cant second guess how He is going to respond in any given circumstance.  Ive also experienced His mercy and His tough love.  So I know how good He can be but also how imponderable.  Which has changed the way I relate to others.  Im less quick to make gradiose assertions on God's behalf.  Im also less quick to condemn people who are on a journey of faith just because they might not be in a place that I judge to be ' acceptable'.    Ive realised that however well I think I know someone I cant see into peoples hearts - only God truly knows what is going on.

Sometimes I worry that Ive just become a watered down version of the real me.  Do I compromise too much?  Do I avoid the difficult questions for fear of being dogmatic and preachy? Am I more scared of offending people than I am of offending God?   Sigh.  I have no idea any more :-)

So the only thing to do is just to get on with being me.  Do the things I enjoy to the best of my ability cos I reckon thats what God put me here to do.  Trust that my story is going to be useful to the people God brings across my path and be willing to say ' I don't know' or ' I don't understand' as often as that is true.

wednesday 2nd April

For some reason today Ive been thinking about Paul and his Damascus Road experience.

here are my thoughts :

Saul (Paul) is a terribly well respected religious leader.  He knows his stuff.  He has led a theologically blameless life and has climbed to pretty near the top of his religious tree.  He is now on a mission to stamp out a new pseudo religious sect which is threatening to get out of hand.  He knows he is right - his hearts desire is to defend the truth and to squash dissent.  He is passionate for his Godly cause and he is going to succeed at any cost.  He is also a Roman, so he is part of the ruling elite.  He has clout.   He has it made really.    Then, on the road, Jesus appears to him and Paul is blinded.  He hears the voice of Jesus telling him that he has got it all wrong.   In that instant Paul loses everything.

He has lost his sight.  And as far as he knows he is never getting it back again.  As far as he knows he has been struck blind by a God who is angry with him for persecuting this new Christian sect.  Everything Paul has believed up to now has been shaken to the core.  He has been wrong all along and now God has tracked him down and singled him out for punishment.  Poor Paul!  He must have been terrified.  The proud and arrogant leader of men is now led by the hand like a child to a room where he sits in the dark and waits for whatever is going to happen next.  What do you think was going through his mind?   Perhaps some of the following

1) I am now blind.  How am I going to make a living, what am I going to tell my family?  Will I have to beg for the rest of my days?

2) Ive been persecuting people against God's will.  What is He going to do to me next?  What have I done?  I thought I was doing the right thing but I have hunted down and killed many many people - I have sinned terribly.  God will want to punish me more than this.  And I probably deserve it.

3) If I survive this  I cant go back to Jerusalem.  I will never be able to go into the temple again.  Jesus has spoken to me which means He is alive - but I know He was crucified and buried.  This doesnt make sense.  Christians hate me so they arent going to help me understand.  My own people will disown me if I tell them what has happened.  Whats going to become of me?

He sat there for three days.  He didnt eat or drink.  I reckon he was probably in shock the poor man. And quite possibly he believed that he was waiting for the end.  Was the next person who walked through the door going to dispatch him in the same way he had gleefully watched Stephen being dispatched?   He must have been absolutely terrified.


So what's the application then?  What can we learn from Pauls experience?

Well it seems to me that we usually talk about a ' Damascus Road experience' as being a wonderful moment of revelation - a lightning strike, bolt from the blue ( for the better) sort of thing.  (And of course as it turns out it was a moment which changed Paul eternally and led to the establishing of the church amongst the gentiles and ultimately led to me becoming a christian.)  But the immediate aftermath of the God encounter for Paul was darkness, a huge sense of failure, conviction of sin, total dependency on others, utter uncertainty and confusion and the knocking out of all his carefully built foundations.  I think that sometimes we are a bit hasty to ask God to show up and do things.  We ask in the expectation that what He does will be cosy and comfortable and comforting and manageable.   But often it's not.   Often it looks like exactly the OPPOSITE of what we have asked for.  It is dark and frightening and lonely.

I have friends who have been asking God for help in various situations - and its seems that not only is He not helping but that things are going from bad to worse.   I dont pretend to understand why God does things the way that He does.  But I can see from scripture that many many times when things are looking at their very worst, thats when He is working things out.   The whole of the Old Testament is pretty much the story of things getting worse before they got better :-)   In those days people were better at waiting.  In our instant culture even three days of darkness seems impossible.  

Lord
when I gave my life to You I made a promise that I would be Yours for better, for worse, in sickness and in health , for richer for poorer as long as I live.  In the times when things are worse, sick, poor please help me to remember that You are faithful and good.  You are always at work and You know the plans You have for me.  Plans to bless me and not to harm me.  I thank you that Paul had the grace to be changed in his darkness and tempered in his trials.  May we learn likewise as we wait for You to come back and redeem everything.    Amen