wednesday 2nd April

For some reason today Ive been thinking about Paul and his Damascus Road experience.

here are my thoughts :

Saul (Paul) is a terribly well respected religious leader.  He knows his stuff.  He has led a theologically blameless life and has climbed to pretty near the top of his religious tree.  He is now on a mission to stamp out a new pseudo religious sect which is threatening to get out of hand.  He knows he is right - his hearts desire is to defend the truth and to squash dissent.  He is passionate for his Godly cause and he is going to succeed at any cost.  He is also a Roman, so he is part of the ruling elite.  He has clout.   He has it made really.    Then, on the road, Jesus appears to him and Paul is blinded.  He hears the voice of Jesus telling him that he has got it all wrong.   In that instant Paul loses everything.

He has lost his sight.  And as far as he knows he is never getting it back again.  As far as he knows he has been struck blind by a God who is angry with him for persecuting this new Christian sect.  Everything Paul has believed up to now has been shaken to the core.  He has been wrong all along and now God has tracked him down and singled him out for punishment.  Poor Paul!  He must have been terrified.  The proud and arrogant leader of men is now led by the hand like a child to a room where he sits in the dark and waits for whatever is going to happen next.  What do you think was going through his mind?   Perhaps some of the following

1) I am now blind.  How am I going to make a living, what am I going to tell my family?  Will I have to beg for the rest of my days?

2) Ive been persecuting people against God's will.  What is He going to do to me next?  What have I done?  I thought I was doing the right thing but I have hunted down and killed many many people - I have sinned terribly.  God will want to punish me more than this.  And I probably deserve it.

3) If I survive this  I cant go back to Jerusalem.  I will never be able to go into the temple again.  Jesus has spoken to me which means He is alive - but I know He was crucified and buried.  This doesnt make sense.  Christians hate me so they arent going to help me understand.  My own people will disown me if I tell them what has happened.  Whats going to become of me?

He sat there for three days.  He didnt eat or drink.  I reckon he was probably in shock the poor man. And quite possibly he believed that he was waiting for the end.  Was the next person who walked through the door going to dispatch him in the same way he had gleefully watched Stephen being dispatched?   He must have been absolutely terrified.


So what's the application then?  What can we learn from Pauls experience?

Well it seems to me that we usually talk about a ' Damascus Road experience' as being a wonderful moment of revelation - a lightning strike, bolt from the blue ( for the better) sort of thing.  (And of course as it turns out it was a moment which changed Paul eternally and led to the establishing of the church amongst the gentiles and ultimately led to me becoming a christian.)  But the immediate aftermath of the God encounter for Paul was darkness, a huge sense of failure, conviction of sin, total dependency on others, utter uncertainty and confusion and the knocking out of all his carefully built foundations.  I think that sometimes we are a bit hasty to ask God to show up and do things.  We ask in the expectation that what He does will be cosy and comfortable and comforting and manageable.   But often it's not.   Often it looks like exactly the OPPOSITE of what we have asked for.  It is dark and frightening and lonely.

I have friends who have been asking God for help in various situations - and its seems that not only is He not helping but that things are going from bad to worse.   I dont pretend to understand why God does things the way that He does.  But I can see from scripture that many many times when things are looking at their very worst, thats when He is working things out.   The whole of the Old Testament is pretty much the story of things getting worse before they got better :-)   In those days people were better at waiting.  In our instant culture even three days of darkness seems impossible.  

Lord
when I gave my life to You I made a promise that I would be Yours for better, for worse, in sickness and in health , for richer for poorer as long as I live.  In the times when things are worse, sick, poor please help me to remember that You are faithful and good.  You are always at work and You know the plans You have for me.  Plans to bless me and not to harm me.  I thank you that Paul had the grace to be changed in his darkness and tempered in his trials.  May we learn likewise as we wait for You to come back and redeem everything.    Amen