Friday 4th April

No, you didnt miss one yesterday - I didnt post one.

Today it strikes me that I dont know very much

When I was a young Christian I seemed very sure of everything.  I knew my Bible and I was well taught and had lots of experiences of God doing things both in my life and in the lives of others.   I had an answer for everything and everyone.

Now Im not so sure.

Its a funny thing, cos I know God so much better now.  Ive lived a lot more so I have seen the bigger picture on looking back.  I can see how He has used everything somehow.  Nothing has been wasted even the big mistakes. And yet I find I have fewer and fewer answers.  Or rather I have bigger and bigger answers.  I can no longer give people a one liner - a  one-size -fits all solution.   Nothing is simple any more.   I remember the days when it was all simple.   You got saved or you went to hell.  You had the faith or you didnt.  You were either praying in the right way for the right things or you werent.

As I have got older Ive become much less judgemental.  Thankfully. I have realised that God doesnt see people and situations the same way I do and that I cant second guess how He is going to respond in any given circumstance.  Ive also experienced His mercy and His tough love.  So I know how good He can be but also how imponderable.  Which has changed the way I relate to others.  Im less quick to make gradiose assertions on God's behalf.  Im also less quick to condemn people who are on a journey of faith just because they might not be in a place that I judge to be ' acceptable'.    Ive realised that however well I think I know someone I cant see into peoples hearts - only God truly knows what is going on.

Sometimes I worry that Ive just become a watered down version of the real me.  Do I compromise too much?  Do I avoid the difficult questions for fear of being dogmatic and preachy? Am I more scared of offending people than I am of offending God?   Sigh.  I have no idea any more :-)

So the only thing to do is just to get on with being me.  Do the things I enjoy to the best of my ability cos I reckon thats what God put me here to do.  Trust that my story is going to be useful to the people God brings across my path and be willing to say ' I don't know' or ' I don't understand' as often as that is true.