Thursday 10th April

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

This has been on my mind an awful lot recently.  Mostly in the context of the whole gay marriage debate.  And the other verse which is equally resounding in my head is this one

If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. ( Matthew 18 :6)

I dont want to get into the whole gay marriage thing here - its not really about that.  What is worrying me is the level of judgementalism we all find it so easy to adopt all the time about everyone.  What is it about human beings that always wants to compare and be ' better', that always insists on being ' right' and which wants to come down like a tonne of bricks on anyone who is not on the same page?  It mystifies and upsets me.

Decades ago I hears a sermon by one of my heroes - Australian Hells Angels pastor John Smith.  And one phrase stood out and changed me forever.  In the context of a sermon about the sufferings of Christ he said

It is more important to love, than to be right.

and then he yelled it

IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO LOVE THAN TO BE RIGHT.

So much church division and conflict has been caused by people being unwilling to adopt a position of love over a position of ' being right'.  It is so sad.  But what is worse is that I really do believe it makes God not just sad but very angry.   We will have to answer for the way we have behaved.  If anything we have done has caused one of God's loved and lovely children to stumble and fall He will hold us accountable in no small measure.

Which is where I worry about the gay issue.   I know three gay people who all started their lives in the church.  They all loved God and desperately wanted to know Him more, love Him and serve Him.  They all struggled for years with their sexuality - in secret and in fear of how they would be judged.  And then when they came out in three different churches in different denominations, they were roundly rejected and so severely judged by ' church' that they left.   Two of the three are now far from the Lord and THATs the thing I worry about.    Surely it is God's job to convict of sin, not ours.  Yes, we can teach truth and that might make people very uncomfortable.  They might not be willing to listen or accept the challenges God lays down.  Thats one thing.   But being rounded upon and hounded out ( one pastor told my friend her behaviour was despicable) - is that how Jesus treated people?  Even Jesus didnt condemn people. He forgave them and accepted them and loved them and showed them great and wonderful mercy whilst at the same time telling them to sin no more.  And thats what He is still doing today.   And its what we should be doing too.

But its not just sexuality, its so many things.  Do people worship in the right way,  attend prayer meetings, wear the right gear, follow the church rules?  Do people bring up their kids as we would want them to - conduct their finances in a ' Godly manner'  ( heaven forfend that people should be in debt but we shall conveniently ignore the church overdraft or mortgage)   We can never know the full story about what is going on in someone elses life or what has brought them to the point they are at.  We can not hope to ' sort people out' or  correct their faults.  All we can do is love people, walk with them on their road, help them when they ask for help, encourage and exhort them to get closer to Jesus and rejoice with them when He does His thing ( which let's face it is sometimes tough love)  Jesus is the judge.  Jesus is the one who has paid the price for ALL our sins.  All my sins.  How can I possibly judge other people when I am SO in need of grace and mercy myself.   I do not dare.  Because as I judge so shall I be judge.    Scary thought. 

Wednesday 9th April

Sorry I didnt get to post yesterday.  Life has got a bit mad here the past few days.  And Im not overflowing with profound words of wisdom at the moment.  So I thought I'd give you a day off from my inane ramblings  :-)

I've had my portable piano for quite a few years now and last week the foot pedal finally gave up the ghost. You wouldnt think that would make much difference - the piano itself still works perfectly.  But I find it almost impossible to play without a working pedal.  Because, as there is no wooden box to provide any sound reverberation like on a standard upright piano, the pedal is what provides the sustain on an electric piano.  Without the pedal each note is as dead as a doornail and it sounds horrible.  The notes need to be sustained to sound right.

What sustains you?  We all need things to sustain us, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Physically we need food.  As my son Josh has discovered this past few weeks when we cant eat we don't function properly.  And as many people are increasingly discovering if we don't eat the right things we function less than optimally. Emotionally we need people.  There have been several studies published recently which link loneliness to an increase in mental health problems and poor health outcomes.  Sadly loneliness is endemic and no longer restricted to elderly people sitting alone in pensioner flats ( although they still do make up a large proportion of the lonely). Single people, divorced people, unhappily married people.  Those who are shy, introverted, disabled, super privileged, socially inept or working in isolating jobs.  Mothers of very young children, carers, prisoners, the bereaved - many people can find themselves deeply lonely.  We all need to be loved and to be able to express love. Love sustains us.  Without it we dont sound right

Mentally we need stimulation, challenge, knowledge.  As young children if we are not spoken to and read to and filled up with information we dont develop to our full potential.  As we get older and the grey matter begins to decay we need to keep mentally alert and active - if we dont use it we lose it!

Spiritually what sustains us is God.   Its not praying,  its not reading the Bible, its not going to church and meeting with likeminded believers - although all of those things are necessary and good.  But none of those things in and of themselves are our lifeblood.  Our lifeblood is Jesus and He is our sustenance.  True, He uses His word and His promises to breathe life into us, He communicates with us through prayer and through fellow believers, but it is His Spirit living in us which gives us life and keeps us going.  And so its not up to us

So that's good isn't it ?  :-)  Because God has already decided He is not going to let you go.

I've ordered a new sustain pedal from ebay.  Hopefully it will arrive before I next need my keyboard.   As for the rest - well, I have food in the fridge ( though it could be healthier) , I have some fantastic friends ( although I dont keep in touch with them as much as I should) and I play Scrabble every night with some cutthroat opponents who keep me on my toes.  God has got hold of me and as long as I tune in and allow Him access He will spiritually sustain me.  And hopefully my notes will resonate and I will make a pleasing sound.

If not, earplugs are available from all good retailers  :-)

Monday 7th April

Had an unexpected lunch with a friend yesterday.  Not many people pop over to Northern Ireland from the mainland but she was visiting with a choir who were singing in a competition in Bangor and when I heard she would be in Belfast we arranged to get together for a couple of hours.

Im not very good at keeping in touch with people.  If it wasnt for facebook I dont think anyone would ever hear from me again. Even my own Mother complains that she has to do all the phoning ( sorry Mum)  Its not that I dont like people - I really do! Its just...... oh, you know...all the usual excuses.  But it is always lovely to reconnect with people when they pop up here and there and opportunities present themselves to bump into old friends again.

I was thinking about heaven yesterday.  About how I hope it will be an opportunity to do a whole lot of eternal catching up with people :-)   Not just those we have known and loved but those we have always had a secret yearning to know from history.  A friend of mine lost her 20 year old daughter very suddenly a couple of years ago.  Something which is helping her through the grieving is the thought that she will see her again one day in the not too distant future.   Im not entirely sure how the heaven thing works.  Enough people have been and come back to lead one to believe that there is indeed a chance to meet people again - and the bible does speak about the cloud of witnesses and those who have died in the faith etc.   I suspect that when we get there,however, the overwhelming presence of God, the worship of the angels and the streets of gold might be higher on my list of priorities than catching up with any mere mortals I have known or want to know !

We dont spend too much time thinking about heaven these days.  Compared with past eras when life was short and death was a constant possibility we live rather free from the possibility of eternity for huge chunks of our lives.   But heaven is, after all, what Jesus died to open up for us.  His death allows us access in to the presence of the Father now and eternally .  He was prepared to endure the cross not just to forgive us our sins but to buy us that golden ticket.   When life is hard and all a bit pointless - when God seems distant and everything is grey, we need to remember that this is not all there is.  There is the promise of more.  In fact this is just the birth pangs - the messy part, the difficult labour.  Death is a delivery from this life to the next.  And if we know who we believe then the next , whatever it looks like, is going to be fabulous.   Cant wait!

Sunday 6th April

' I don't want to control it. I want to get rid of it.'      Bruce Banner aka Incredible Hulk.

I was watching the film for the umpteenth time with the boys yesterday.  Well, I was in the room  :-)  Once you have seen one superhero movie you have seen them all.  Especially when you have seen them all before.

I quite often watch films with Jesus.  He always has interesting observations ( sometimes completely off plot!) about what is going on.  Sometimes the whole narrative is prophetic  - remember Braveheart?  (Well, you would if you were living in Scotland at the time - it sent the church there nuts!!!)  Sometimes its just a line or a character or a plot twist which He highlights.  And in the Hulk last night it was that line which caught my attention.   Bruce wasn't interested in anger management or a lifetime of hiding away - he wanted to be completely rid of his problem and was prepared to risk death by taking the untested antidote in order to be free.

It made me wonder how hungry and passionate we are to get rid of our problems and besetting sins.  Are we content to manage our difficulties ?  Our angry outbursts, our depression, our habits, our lyying/greedy/attention seeking/ manipulative/selfish/lazy behaviours?   Do we put on a respectable face and trot to church on a Sunday with no intention of ever raising our hand for prayer or responding to a challenging sermon about any of our issues?   Do we ask God to help us manage our problems rather than asking Him to deliver us from all evil.?  And if we ask Him to deliver us are we really prepared to go the whole nine yards to get rid of the junk?

A few years ago a married friend of mine was hotly pursued by a married man who made it quite clear that he wanted to embark on affair with her.  He complimented her and bought her presents.  He was kind and understanding and lovely.  He made her feel great.  And he was always there because they worked in the same place.   My friend was in torment. She was very very tempted - but she really didn't want to succumb.

 She couldn't escape - she had to go to work every day, and his tactics were sneaky and underhand - he knew exactly which buttons to press.  Meanwhile of course friends husband was busy at work, not paying attention etc etc.   She knew she was about to do something she would eternally regret.
So - sensibly, and with a great deal of courage, she told a few christian friends what was going on.   She confessed how tempted she was.  How much she enjoyed the attention.  Confession is VERY good for the soul.  Because it immediately makes you accountable.  And it surrounds you with support.
Over months and months and months she battled with her feelings.  And she tried hard to resist his advances. There were times when she made great strides forward and then times when she lapsed in her thinking and actions.  But with the help of praying friends she became ever more determined to do the right thing.  After several months - maybe even a year - she suddenly arrived at the place where she knew she really did not want this man in her life any more.  She began to despise him.  She was ready for soul ties to be cut and for God to up the ante.  She started to actively resist and mentally she toughened up amazingly.  She also began to really put some huge efforts into her own marriage.   I was super impressed by her commitment.   She didn't want to control it - she wanted to be rid of it.

A year or so down the line and she is free.  The man is still working alongside her and still active in his pursuit of her - although he doesn't get much chance these days as she is hyper vigilant to avoid him at all costs.  She has resisted temptation and resisted the devil and both have flown far from her.  My goodness what a battle it has been.  I have been super privileged to share some of it with her.  It took determination and vulnerabililty and courage.  But she won through.  I'm proud of her. So is God.

The devil fights mean and hard.  He doesn't give up easily - and knowing this I think that sometimes we are scared to even go there.  We opt for controlling and covering over our character flaws and sins rather than letting God root them out of us.  I'm as guilty as anyone of this.  More than most perhaps.
I think there are a few keys to help us along the way.

1) be accountable.  Tell someone.  Trust me, we are all made of the same stuff and have the same temptations and failings.  Nothing you have done or thought is any worse than what the rest of us have done or thought.  Honestly - it isn't.  Find the right person or people to tell and get some help.  You will need it
2) prepare for the long haul.  Bad habits take years to form. Character weaknesses are part of who we are.  It is possible but unlikely that God is going to deliver us in one go. Someone once said to me that being a Christian is like coming to God as a piece of string full of knots.  The Christian life is about letting God unpick the knots.  Some are big and tightly tied and will take some time to undo.
3) When you fall and fail get up and go again.
4) Stay determined to be free.  Pursue truth because it is truth that will set you free. Pretty much everything which ensnares and entangles us is based on lies.
5) rejoice in every victory and keep your eyes fixed on the end goal. Surround yourself with people who really believe you will get there and who are cheering for you.

Lord, help us not to accommodate things in our lives which make You unhappy.  Give us the strength and courage to resist temptation and to root out the junk which the enemy has sown and we have allowed to grow.  Fill us with the Truth of Your word and surround us with the Godly counsel of people who love us. Pick us up when we fall and lead us through to a plce of victory so that our testimony can be one of freedom in Christ.   Amen

Saturday 5th April

Creature and Creator

God?
Yes Adam
You know Eve?
Yes Adam
You know you gave her to me to be bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh?
Yes Adam
Well, ummm, there’s something Id like to ask you
Yes?
You wont be cross?
No Adam, I wont be cross
Well, you see, it’s just that You never warned me
Warned you?
About Eve. About the apple and the snake and all of that.

Oh yes, all of that.
You could have warned me. I thought You loved me
I do love you Adam. Very much
So why didn’t You warn me? You must have known about that serpent. What he was like.
Oh yes, I knew.
You must have known that Eve would fancy a bite of that apple
Yes Adam, I knew that
So why didn’t you stop her. Or warn me. Or something? A lot depended on it you know
Yes. A lot. Everything in fact. I do know that Adam.
So……?
Adam, you didn’t trust me.
I didn’t?
No
Oh
If you had trusted me you would have believed that my plan was the best plan. You would have felt no need to taste the apple from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. But you weren’t sure that my plan was really the best plan. You listened to your wife, who listened to the serpent. Who fed the doubt that was already there. That my plan wasn’t quite the best. That you could possibly do better by going another way.
Yes Lord. You are right
I am always right Adam
But if you had warned me…..?
Would you have heard the warning when you were already doubting me?
Ummmm….Im not sure Lord. Maybe not
No. I told you not to eat the fruit, but you ate it anyway. Because you didn’t trust me.
Im sorry Lord
Im sorry too Adam
Hug?
Hug.
Lord?
Yes Adam
One more thing
Yes Adam?
Thank you for sorting it all out
That’s OK Adam
I know it cost you a lot……everything
Yes, everything.
I trust you now Lord
I know you do Adam.
Thanks for the chat
You’re welcome. Now, wasn’t it your move? Knight to bishop three eh? Nice.

( By Caz - and by the way I do know it wasnt an apple.  The apple is just there for ease of reference and artistic licence  :-) )

Friday 4th April

No, you didnt miss one yesterday - I didnt post one.

Today it strikes me that I dont know very much

When I was a young Christian I seemed very sure of everything.  I knew my Bible and I was well taught and had lots of experiences of God doing things both in my life and in the lives of others.   I had an answer for everything and everyone.

Now Im not so sure.

Its a funny thing, cos I know God so much better now.  Ive lived a lot more so I have seen the bigger picture on looking back.  I can see how He has used everything somehow.  Nothing has been wasted even the big mistakes. And yet I find I have fewer and fewer answers.  Or rather I have bigger and bigger answers.  I can no longer give people a one liner - a  one-size -fits all solution.   Nothing is simple any more.   I remember the days when it was all simple.   You got saved or you went to hell.  You had the faith or you didnt.  You were either praying in the right way for the right things or you werent.

As I have got older Ive become much less judgemental.  Thankfully. I have realised that God doesnt see people and situations the same way I do and that I cant second guess how He is going to respond in any given circumstance.  Ive also experienced His mercy and His tough love.  So I know how good He can be but also how imponderable.  Which has changed the way I relate to others.  Im less quick to make gradiose assertions on God's behalf.  Im also less quick to condemn people who are on a journey of faith just because they might not be in a place that I judge to be ' acceptable'.    Ive realised that however well I think I know someone I cant see into peoples hearts - only God truly knows what is going on.

Sometimes I worry that Ive just become a watered down version of the real me.  Do I compromise too much?  Do I avoid the difficult questions for fear of being dogmatic and preachy? Am I more scared of offending people than I am of offending God?   Sigh.  I have no idea any more :-)

So the only thing to do is just to get on with being me.  Do the things I enjoy to the best of my ability cos I reckon thats what God put me here to do.  Trust that my story is going to be useful to the people God brings across my path and be willing to say ' I don't know' or ' I don't understand' as often as that is true.

wednesday 2nd April

For some reason today Ive been thinking about Paul and his Damascus Road experience.

here are my thoughts :

Saul (Paul) is a terribly well respected religious leader.  He knows his stuff.  He has led a theologically blameless life and has climbed to pretty near the top of his religious tree.  He is now on a mission to stamp out a new pseudo religious sect which is threatening to get out of hand.  He knows he is right - his hearts desire is to defend the truth and to squash dissent.  He is passionate for his Godly cause and he is going to succeed at any cost.  He is also a Roman, so he is part of the ruling elite.  He has clout.   He has it made really.    Then, on the road, Jesus appears to him and Paul is blinded.  He hears the voice of Jesus telling him that he has got it all wrong.   In that instant Paul loses everything.

He has lost his sight.  And as far as he knows he is never getting it back again.  As far as he knows he has been struck blind by a God who is angry with him for persecuting this new Christian sect.  Everything Paul has believed up to now has been shaken to the core.  He has been wrong all along and now God has tracked him down and singled him out for punishment.  Poor Paul!  He must have been terrified.  The proud and arrogant leader of men is now led by the hand like a child to a room where he sits in the dark and waits for whatever is going to happen next.  What do you think was going through his mind?   Perhaps some of the following

1) I am now blind.  How am I going to make a living, what am I going to tell my family?  Will I have to beg for the rest of my days?

2) Ive been persecuting people against God's will.  What is He going to do to me next?  What have I done?  I thought I was doing the right thing but I have hunted down and killed many many people - I have sinned terribly.  God will want to punish me more than this.  And I probably deserve it.

3) If I survive this  I cant go back to Jerusalem.  I will never be able to go into the temple again.  Jesus has spoken to me which means He is alive - but I know He was crucified and buried.  This doesnt make sense.  Christians hate me so they arent going to help me understand.  My own people will disown me if I tell them what has happened.  Whats going to become of me?

He sat there for three days.  He didnt eat or drink.  I reckon he was probably in shock the poor man. And quite possibly he believed that he was waiting for the end.  Was the next person who walked through the door going to dispatch him in the same way he had gleefully watched Stephen being dispatched?   He must have been absolutely terrified.


So what's the application then?  What can we learn from Pauls experience?

Well it seems to me that we usually talk about a ' Damascus Road experience' as being a wonderful moment of revelation - a lightning strike, bolt from the blue ( for the better) sort of thing.  (And of course as it turns out it was a moment which changed Paul eternally and led to the establishing of the church amongst the gentiles and ultimately led to me becoming a christian.)  But the immediate aftermath of the God encounter for Paul was darkness, a huge sense of failure, conviction of sin, total dependency on others, utter uncertainty and confusion and the knocking out of all his carefully built foundations.  I think that sometimes we are a bit hasty to ask God to show up and do things.  We ask in the expectation that what He does will be cosy and comfortable and comforting and manageable.   But often it's not.   Often it looks like exactly the OPPOSITE of what we have asked for.  It is dark and frightening and lonely.

I have friends who have been asking God for help in various situations - and its seems that not only is He not helping but that things are going from bad to worse.   I dont pretend to understand why God does things the way that He does.  But I can see from scripture that many many times when things are looking at their very worst, thats when He is working things out.   The whole of the Old Testament is pretty much the story of things getting worse before they got better :-)   In those days people were better at waiting.  In our instant culture even three days of darkness seems impossible.  

Lord
when I gave my life to You I made a promise that I would be Yours for better, for worse, in sickness and in health , for richer for poorer as long as I live.  In the times when things are worse, sick, poor please help me to remember that You are faithful and good.  You are always at work and You know the plans You have for me.  Plans to bless me and not to harm me.  I thank you that Paul had the grace to be changed in his darkness and tempered in his trials.  May we learn likewise as we wait for You to come back and redeem everything.    Amen